Have you been feeling it? The last month has been a time of huge shift. Issues and patterns from the past that we thought we’d already mastered are coming back in full force so that we can move further beyond in order to create a new reality for ourselves. It can feel so frustrating when it seems like we are being dragged back into old issues, but it’s important to remember that there is always a deeper understanding we can gain to assist us in expanding and evolving to our highest potential. Also remember, emotions are energy in motion (which is affected by this full moon and other astrology!) and motion is change. It is in continually changing that we are empowered.
Letting go of old fear & doubt.
This potent period has brought up a lot of my own self-doubt and fear. As I embark on new relationships and businesses, I have been bumping up against old stories and feelings of guilt and inadequacy. I find that starting new projects (whether professional or personal) naturally invites introspection and self-assessment as we explore what it is that is unique and original about ourselves that the other might be drawn to. While this is a great opportunity to feel awe and appreciation for ourselves, the reality is that this triggers many of us to get knocked down by fear and self-doubt.
For me, a lot of doubt has come up about my work. For one, my days are not structured in the regular 9-5 way that I was taught is a responsible and respectable way of contributing to the world. Right now I don’t have a set daily schedule, and I weave teaching, healing sessions, networking, writing, editing, yoga, friends, errands, beach time, and nap time in whatever way I feel like. I could be better at self-discipline in certain areas, but the truth is I am staying on top of creating and managing a lot of different moving pieces. But because I don’t get paid a salary by someone else, and because I don’t get paid for the hours I spend planning, writing, connecting, etc. I’ve realized that this time I spend with myself, going into myself to bring something new forth, somehow doesn’t seem like it’s deserving of my value and respect, even though logically I know it is. Somehow, I have a lot of guilt about this time I spend in quiet creation.
What if I'm just not creative?
I have been getting so many messages from the universe lately about tapping into my potential as a creator. The thing is, I haven’t thought I was creative for a long time. During childhood and adolescence I was really creative - I danced, played the violin, painted and drew, and wrote poetry and short stories. As a teenager, a lot of this was tinged with the feelings of loneliness and melancholy that was characteristic of my depression at the time. When I began taking antidepressants at 17, most of my creative motivation faded. I assumed that I was only creative because I was depressed.
Fast forward to the present day over a decade later, and I am in so many ways feeling fulfilled and connected, but I still struggle with the idea that I can be creative and that my creativity has positive value. I do still have some creative outlets as hobbies (dance, jewelry making). But when it comes to work, the idea of expressing my originality brings in doubt and fear of rejection. If I am truly a CREATOR as I have been told is my soul purpose, do I really have what it takes to live this highest version of myself? Is what is unique about me enough? Do I even know how to create?
What it really means to be a Creator.
What I’ve realized is that creation is so much more than just making art or music. We create with each thought, each decision, each interaction we have. There are truly infinite ways to be creative in all areas of life, and many of these already come so naturally to us, but this creativity hasn’t necessarily been recognized or validated.
As I’ve embarked on starting my private healing practice, which means creating healing content, expressing my unique truth and gifts, and creating avenues to getting my message out, I’ve realized that I actually AM super creative.
Creativity is simply Spirit moving through me! Which means the time I spend consciously creating is an act of love and devotion to myself, others, and the Universe, and this should be valued and respected. Creativity is evolution, awakening, honing and healing. Creativity is being resourceful, creating new solutions for old problems. There is creativity in communication and cooperation. There is creativity in spiritual practice and ritual. Creativity is our power. And of course, we are powered by Spirit.
Once I realized this, some of that long held guilt and inadequacy about living in a way that’s different from the old societal system just fell away. I feel like now I can tap a little deeper into the unbound potential in my heart for self-love and acceptance, which is going to fuel my drive for creativity. We ALL have that potential. Creating is believing in ourselves and our ability to make something new. Creativity is coming in to ourselves with love in order to come out into the world with love.
10/28/2015 05:40:15 am
I think your last sentence says it all.
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