Sometimes all it takes to get real power in life is a change in perspective.
I recently had this kind of a massive shift. The way I see a particular part of my life that has been causing me a lot of pain, just flipped completely upside down.
For years I have felt “not good enough” around my business. Having done my personal work, I know this belief is one I’ve had since I was little, and if I’m not conscious I create the evidence around me to support it. It is true that we literally create our worlds with our perceptions. This is why it’s essential to keep that expanded level of understanding, which is becoming easier and easier the longer I stay on this path.
And don’t get me wrong - when it comes to my work, my heart lights up every day that I get to connect with people on deep levels, to hold space for their tender hearts and teach them how to do the same, to support expansion of consciousness, which means expanding our choices, which means increasing our freedom and power to create, elevating us into a more intentional, inspired and joyful life.
But there's a difference between the work of the work, and the business of the work, and I’ve always felt an internal tension about my business. As conscious and mindful as I’ve tried to be, I's still find myself comparing where I am to others, and and hearing that internal voice who says things like “You’re not making the 6-figures these other people are…you’re not reaching as many people with your healing….your work isn’t good enough…you’re not good enough.” There’s that thought again. There’s the shame that rushes in like a wave as soon as that thought hits.
It always fascinates me how we have these layers to our healing that revel themselves over time. I have transformed light years from the self-critical, self-shaming, suicidal person I used to be, say 10-15 years ago. Truly, I reflect on how dark and heavy I used to feel and act, and I am kind of in awe and how much the work works, and I feel proud of who I have become. And yet again, here’s another opportunity for me to confront the inner critic who still takes up space in my head, who still tries to convince me I’m that sad, powerless, and unloveable little girl.
Having this voice still pop up, even as I work in the world as a self-love healer and teacher, used to bring up some imposter syndrome for me. But, just as I teach my clients, I understand that there are always more layers to our healing, as well as more levels of mastery for us to reach. This is what excites me - that I can keep getting more masterful, I can keep finding more freedom, more power, and more grace in the way I move through the world, if I stay devoted to the inner work.
Back to the business shame…it’s been there, lurking under the surface, eating away at me even when I’m not paying attention. Gnawing in my subconscious, sometimes bubbling up to my awareness, but I’ve been beating it back through affirmations, through listening to money mindset podcasts, listening over and over to Marianne Williamson’s book The Law of Divine Compensation.
Here’s the thing - affirmations don’t work, unless they get you to have a real, living shift in perspective. This shift needs to be experienced and anchored on all levels - mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually. It can take time for this to happen, for new information to break through the tough ego exterior, and seep into the deeper layers of our being. This is why I so love hypnosis for creating these full-system perspective shifts that can change your life.
I feel like my life changed yesterday. I was listening to The 4 Hour Workweek by Tim Ferris yesterday as I took my afternoon hike down to the lake. I have heard about this book for years and for some reason avoided it. Well, I figured out that reason - ALL my stuff came up. I found myself walking along the shore of a peaceful lake surrounded by majestic mountains lit by the setting sun, just a 10 minute walk from my beautiful home, and I was feeling super triggered. Anxiety. Shame. I kept noticing my stories of scarcity around money, energy, intelligence, come up as I was being confronted with a new way of looking at the world. Wait - I’m not supposed to be a slave to my work and keep trying to get more just for the sake of it?
In a world of entrepreneurs who are constantly letting their social media followers know that they are making 6+ figures yearly or monthly, I have felt so much shame for not making that much. I’m just a humble healer who puts everything into my work because my work is my spiritual purpose. Like I literally could not NOT hold space for people, create healing experiences, write about my process and guide others through theirs…it’s just who I am. I am like a river flowing, my creations want to come through, I create through healing, and to dam it up would be to kill it. And so I’ve created a life where I have the space to allow whatever healing creation wants to to flow through me, and it’s making a difference in the world. Just because it doesn’t have a particular number attached to it doesn’t mean it’s not incredibly valuable. I’m saying this for me, not for anyone else. And just because I do not (cannot) work M-F 9-5, does not mean I’m lazy or inadequate.
This is the process I went through yesterday. Doing some self-hypnosis, and talking myself through these new realizations, anchoring them deep….this book really shifted something in me. The new information, plus doing the hypnosis work to support its integration, helped me understand the value in how I have set up my business and my life: to see clients only 3 days a week and spend the rest of the time creating other projects that can hopefully reach more people, or just living my personal life, enjoying relationships, and taking care of my health which has needed more energy lately. The AHA moment I got from the book is that this actually makes me more abundant than maybe a 6-figure earner who works in an office M-F 9-5. Time is valuable. Money is only valuable to the extent that we can use it in the time we have.
I came back from my walk and looked around my house. This beautiful little cabin that’s actually a dream home I spent 4 months manifesting last year through hypnosis, yoga nidra, and ceremonial work. It’s my favorite place I’ve ever lived, and is the most I’ve ever paid for in rent…yesterday I could really see that and let it sink in. My work let’s me afford this place, plus office rent, organic food, my car, continued investment in my own personal healing and development, time and resources for recreation with friends…I am so freaking rich, even though I make less than 6-figures.
And hey, the truth is, I do want to make 6-figures. I want to be able to raise my children with resources, I want to be able to travel, I want to be able in invest more to get this healing hypnotherapy work out to more people because it is so life-changing, and I want to be able to give back to the causes, organizations and people I believe in, in a way that feels like a stretch right now. I want my yearly contributions to be in the thousands, rather than the tens or hundreds, where it’s at now. Money can equal a certain type of power, and we can use it to create more good in the world. All I ever want to do is to serve the highest good of all (and I don't exclude myself from that!).
This writing is a bit divergent for me. I am NOT a business coach and I don’t talk about money as much as other, more psychological, spiritual and esoteric topics. Business and money coaching very important coaching work, but it’s not mine.
My work, part of it at least, is sharing my process, and here it is: when we make a huge shift in perspective, we create a different world. I started the day yesterday thinking I was struggling, and I ended it feeling the most wealthy I’ve ever felt. Gratitude plays a huge role in this. It’s so easy to get trapped into a white-middle-class-privileged place and think you are poor when there are people who literally have no water or home or safety. If you are reading this that means you have access to a phone or computer and to wifi, and that’s an actual luxury. So often we are focusing on lack and we completely miss the abundance we are standing in (I know this is a trite teaching, yet it is worth repeating until we can really live it). We will find evidence for whatever it is we look for.
My invitation to you is to notice what it is that you've been looking for evidence to support. How have you been feeling lately? If you are feeling shitty, what shitty belief are you searching the world for evidence to support? What heavy emotion are you possibly addicted to, that you continue to feed with self-sabotaging thoughts and perceptions? Is there room to shift your perspective? If you can, tune into what that feels like in your body, in your energy, notice the emotions that come from the new thoughts you are trying out. This is how you start to shift into a new reality.
Invitation #2: I’m feeling so inspired by this recent experience in my life that I am feeling called to offer a free online workshop to help you align your actions with your desired reality. We'll be working on the subconscious and energetic levels as well as with practical tools and behaviors. I’m planning on rising and expanding in 2019, and I want you to come with me. If you’re interested in setting intentions and getting energized to make 2019 the beginning of the rest of your best life, make sure to keep up with me on social media where I’ll be posting more about the online workshop.
With Love & Power!
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